I was sitting at my desk at the job I don't really like much anymore when my mom sent me an article from Harvard Business review about how to survive in an uphappy workplace. I think she has ESP. Probably just that she knows how unhappy I am and how much I crave change. Not just for the sake of change but to start a career in the field that I am passionate about; something helping others and something utilizing the degree I fought so hard to accomplish this year.
I have been at my current job for 12 years and Lord knows I didn't plan to stay here that long. We get complacent and feel stuck, especially in this economy. The job market sucks. I make good money and I lived beyond my means and now I am paying for it so quitting is not an option. I need my job now more than ever. But I also want to be happy. It is hard to not let an unpleasant work environment effect you in every aspect of your life. But you can't. It's just a job and I have to remember that. It's not forever and no one is just going to hand me my dream job with my dream salary in my dream corner office. Yea right. Time for a reality break.
Beyond the work issues my personal life hasn't been ideal either. I am blessed and thankful for those blessings; don't get me wrong. But the past couple of years have been hard ones with much drama in them. Some self-induced and some not so much. It seems to follow me....I promise I don't intentionally seek it out. Needless to say my emotional health over the past couple of months (really more like since June) has been declining. Those close to me know all the things I have dealt with this year so you know. For those of you that don't know me well let's just say I have dealt with bad relationships, strained relationships, a very personal murder/suicide (I didn't do...just to clarify), a teenager who thinks he knows it all and doesn't seem to respect his mom much, parents moving to another city, truly being "on my own" for the first time in my life (only took me 36 years!), financial stress, working full time and going to school full time to finish my degree (interning 360 hours in 9 weeks as well for my last class), now working 2 jobs, and just a handful of other stressors.
And of course the #1 I didn't do through all of this stress is take care of myself. Aren't we always the last thing to focus on? I am superwoman and can handle it all, right? Not so much. I did for a long time but it all came to a crashing halt and suddenly it was all too much. I think the turning point was the murder/suicide because it was very personal and too close to home and has been very hard to deal with. Definetely going through some depression and major anxiety but have been doing what I can to start taking care of myself; both physically and emotionally. I can choose to be unhappy and let things outside of my control dictate my emotional state. I would rather not give those things control over my emotions. Thank you very much. ;)
So everyday I am trying to do something to remind myself why I have worked so hard to get where I am and how blessed I am and to just be happy with what God had given me. If I want more than I am going to have to take positive steps to get there and stop thinking it should happen right away. And that I can't expect positive changes in my life when I do negative things. My Yin isn't snycing up with my Yang. Kind of like a separated disc in your back....needs to be aligned. I am working on my Yin/Yang alignment you could say.
All I can do is worry about today and focus on the here and now; what can I do to improve the things in my life? Make a list; take steps to get there; accomplish the ultimate happiness. Simple. :) I truly want simplicilty. Not complicated messes that I have to stress over. Not a messy house that stresses me out on a daily basis. I need a clean, simple home. Food. Clothes. Money (unfortunately). And Love. Easy as pie. No more procrastination. Ignoring it will not make it go away, trust me I know. It just makes it worse and adds to the anxiety.
I am going to blog to make myself feel better and refocus my energies into something I love to do; write. And when I find good articles about anything positive or helpful I will post it too. Hopefully my path to being happy will help someone else find their path to happiness too. And remember, tomorrow could be your last day so live it up!
